When they've finished fighting, perhaps they'll deal with trivia such as poverty and inequality
Barrie Hudson reassures readers that the Folk in Charge will get back to running the country as soon as they've attended to far more important matters
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The Barrie Hudson Column
Barrie Hudson is a known quantity when it comes to writing words. Sometimes he even spells them correctly. In fact he has been writing words in the Swindon area for more than two decades. First of all for the Swindon Advertiser and then for Swindon Link and now for The Ink. Here are some of his words…
As I believe I’ve mentioned before, sometimes when I’m in the pub people will approach and ask me for my views about prominent items on the local, national and international news agenda.
As I believe I’ve also mentioned before, I’m always happy to help out, provided I’m not attending to other matters such as fighting off giant insects nobody else can see.
Anyway, recently people have been asking me for my thoughts regarding the ongoing uncertainty over the office of Prime Minister and who is likely to fill it at some point in the near future, now Sir Keir Starmer has decided to chuck in the job he was elected to only a couple of years ago.
This uncertainty has been intensified, of course, by last week’s convincing election of Andy Burnham in the Makerfield by-election. No doubt he will serve the people of that constituency just as loyally and with the same selfless devotion with which he served the three million people of Greater Manchester as their Mayor.
Well, until he discarded those three million people like an empty chip wrapper as soon as a chance of becoming Prime Minister was in the offing, but let’s not split hairs.
There is, of course, no way of predicting what the future will bring as far as politics goes. The most we can do is say what we do not know and what we do, and then have a go at an educated guess at the most likely outcome bearing this data in mind.
Among the things we do not know, for example, is the voting intentions of many Government politicians in the event of a leadership contest. Some very prominent politicians, including some who were pledging their undying loyalty to Sir Keir Starmer as recently as two or three weeks ago, more recently queued up to stick knives as far into his back as they could. In some instances the knives are the same weapons that were sunk into Jeremy Corbyn’s back a few years ago. However, nobody can say for certain how the less prominent politicians with a say in the matter will act.
Certain of our less cynical political commentators are suggesting that the majority of those with a vote would back whichever candidate they believed best equipped to bring good and wise leadership to a country struggling with issues including widespread poverty, public utilities run by vampires, a next-to-useless criminal justice system and a wave of despairing hopelessness among millions of young people.
Certain of our more cynical political commentators, however, are suggesting that the majority of those with a vote would back whichever candidate they most thought most likely to ensure they carried on in their Parliamentary careers, continuing to enjoy a salary of at least £98,599 along with subsidised workplace bars and restaurants, free travel, cash to obtain and keep a second home in London and some of the most generous expense accounts found anywhere from Land’s End to John O’Groats.
Indeed, some of those cynical political commentators would go as far as to say plenty of politicians would vote for Sooty, Sweep, an egg carton of gibbons’ knickerwhiskers or Satan Incarnate so long as doing so would keep the gravy train chugging along nicely.
So much for what we do not know, but what, you may be wondering, do we know? What can we be certain of during every moment the Folk in Charge spend fighting over the leadership of our nation with all the dignity and restraint of stray dogs squabbling over the reeking contents of a split bin bag?
Well, one thing we can be certain of is that in places throughout the country this morning, thousands of children woke up in damp, decaying, filthy rooms in slum landlords’ hovels because their parents, even if they are working, suffer under such low incomes that they are unable to afford the deposit on even a modest rented flat, and that for such people the very thought of being able one day to purchase a property is as outlandish as the notion of being able to fly by flapping their arms.
Another thing we can be certain of is that if one of these children becomes ill because of the conditions in which they are forced to live, such as by inhaling mould spores or suffering deadly carbon monoxide poisoning, nobody in authority will be punished in any way, shape or form. The most the victims of such entirely avoidable outrages can hope for is an inquiry liberally doused in whitewash, whose outcome is that lessons will be learned.
Another thing we can be certain of is that countless people up and down the country will today be reduced to tears when they open a bill from some filthy, war-profiteering utility company and realise they now face a choice between feeding themselves and their loved ones or facing the prospect of an autumn and winter with no heat or light.
Still another thing we can be certain of is that countless people up and down the country will today be terrorised or have a family member terrorised by antisocial criminals, and that when they attempt to secure the aid of their underfunded and overstretched local police force, they will be told nothing can be done.
Yet another thing we can be certain of is that countless people up and down the country will today realise that they are unable to take up the offer of a job in a town or city a few dozen miles away, or attend a family gathering at such a distance, because they cannot afford the necessary fuel for their vehicle and the train fare is even more ruinously, hopelessly expensive.
Another thing we can be certain of is that there is no legal requirement for a General Election until 2029, although plenty of people believe there would be a moral requirement for any new Prime Minister to go to the polls as soon as possible. Unless and until they do, this argument goes, any new Prime Ministership would be no more legitimate than those of, say, Sunak or Brown.
And finally, another thing we can be certain of is that none of the people currently fighting, as I have said, with all the dignity and restraint of stray dogs squabbling over the reeking contents of a split bin bag, is that none of them, not a single one of them, will ever have to suffer any of the indignities I’ve just mentioned.
Unless they do something as significant as, say, being caught with their hand in the till or actually being as stupid as to get themselves filmed drunkenly battering a constituent to the ground and raining blows on their writhing body, the most they have to fear is losing their seat - and even then the House of Lords or a load of lucrative directorships and consultancies immediately beckons.
The best the vulnerable people of this country can hope for is that the squabbling is over sooner rather than later.
Which of the hopefuls is most likely to keep telling Trump to sling his hook?
With a bit of luck, as I said above, the question of who leads our country will be over sooner rather than later and the Folk in Charge can get back to actually running the show.
Far be it from me to tell any of our elected representatives what to look for in a candidate for the top job, but I reckon they’d do well to remember that the United States is currently run by a deranged chimpanzee who keeps hinting that Britain should send its military personnel to fight, die and be wounded in stupid, pointless and almost certainly illegal conflicts.
Perhaps before deciding to put their ‘X’ on any leadership ballot, the political electorate should consider the record of their chosen candidate when it comes to dealing with deranged chimpanzee presidents demanding that British blood be shed for no discernible purpose.
Did they, for example, back a decision to tell the president in question to stick his demands where the Mar-a-Lago sun don’t shine?
Or did they happily go along with a policy decision which caused hundreds of British deaths, sparked terrorist outrages on British soil, led to the rise of Isis and destabilised an entire region of the globe to such an extent that the death toll is widely calculated to total at least a million?
The Swindon Link Magazine Archive
Over on The Ink’s sister publication Swindon Link’s website you will find an impressive archive of the past 47 years of Swindon Link magazines, giving you a huge glimpse into the town’s recent past from the beginnings of West Swindon to now. You can find the archive here.
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